It’s official: I’m HP – Heavily Pregnant

I think there should be 4, not 3 stages of pregnancy:

First trimester: weeks 1-12
Second trimester: weeks 13-24
Third trimester: up until Week 34
‘Officially Heavily Pregnant’ stage or ‘the Last Leg’: 6 weeks to go

This is the stage where NOTHING fits, not even your hubby’s T-shirt; and the baby moves into your pelvis so you start to WADDLE.

12 signs that prove I am officially Heavily Pregnant:

1. A friend asked me if I had enjoyed sledging in the snow last weekend. An innocent enough enquiry to which I replied, ‘Sledging? Are you feckin’ serious? I can barely walk!’ I only managed to put the final twig in place for the snowman during our ‘snowman building’ activity and even then the walk to the park nearly floored me.

2. My belly is stretching so fast at the moment that I have developed a rash that itches like MAD.

3. No amount of Walls Vienetta or Tangle Twisters can ease the heartburn, but I continue to try this method nonetheless.

4. Even though it has been -2 degrees outside this week I can’t seem to escape the heat. I am sleeping with the duvet off as if it is mid-summer.

5. I’ve started to have horrendous, anxious, horrible dreams.

6. The ‘nesting instinct’ has officially kicked in. To date I have cleaned out the fridge, reorganised the cupboards, sorted paperwork, bought lots of storage boxes. Oh and bought lots of Housey magazines. That counts, right?

7. I decided to work right up until 2 weeks before the baby arrives, just so I can enjoy a longer maternity break at the other side. But I’m beginning to regret it. I had a 2-hour conference call today and I found myself wheezing and panting by the end of it. And I hadn’t moved from my chair- just talked for a bit!

8. I am constantly switching between immense fatigue and little bursts of energy. So I’ll get the hoover out, put on a couple of washes and clean the bathroom in a spurt of energy, and then collapse on the sofa with an achy back and discomfort in my pelvis, thinking ‘why, why, why’.

9. I feel like my bump has exploded recently. I had my 34-week GP appointment today and my doctor suggested that this was very probably a big baby. ‘Well, it’s certainly a very big bump’, he laughed. Hmmm.

10. Who am I trying to kid? I’ve been HP since Christmas at least. I spent all of Christmas Day puffing and panting not only because I had eaten too much turkey but because my gorgeous red (non-maternity) dress which I had thought was sufficiently loose-fitting was FAR TOO TIGHT.

11. Even though we decided to spend New Years’ Eve at home, I got all dressed up for the delicious meal John was cooking, chilled a mini bottle of Prosecco for midnight, lit the candles and put the Amelie soundtrack on. Not having much ‘spare’ room in my belly anymore, I had eaten far too much by 9.30pm, was sick and in my bed by 10, and only staggered out of bed at 11.50 so I could watch the Jools Holland countdown with Johnny and make a wish upon a star.

I was back in bed by 12.05.

12. Maggie and I travelled to and from Belfast on our own over the Christmas holidays. On the way over she sat on my lap. On the way back she didn’t fit – there was no room! I had to put her in her own seat beside me when the cabin crew weren’t looking.

So here I am, 34 weeks and counting….

Here’s (nearly) looking at you, kid! :)

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Maggie kissing The Bump